Ways to Resolve Conflict

Someone once said that the easiest way to deal with difficult people is to stay as far away from them as possible. This is great advice, but it’s not always an option. In fact, if you avoid dealing with a touchy problem, it’s not going to go away. In all probability, avoiding it will just make the problem worse.

Most of us dislike conflict. We want everything to go smoothly at work, and we want everyone to like one another and to like us. But is that a realistic scenario? Most of the time, it isn’t.

And indeed, conflict can be a very positive thing for you and your workgroup. Why? If you try to ignore all conflict, and keep the anger and frustration tamped down, it can smolder underground, until all of a sudden, it blazes up out of control. This creates a problem that never needed to happen in the first place. Working through conflict can uncover creative and innovative ideas that you may not have heard about otherwise.

A manager who avoids conflict sets a workgroup or an organization on a calamitous course. For example, maybe you have an employee who is constantly late for work, but you let the situation ride without dealing with it. Not only will you reinforce bad work habits, but you will lose the respect of those who see you not dealing with the conflict.

On the other hand, you can’t go around confronting everyone and everything. If you read the riot act to an employee who is late for work for the first time, you won’t earn respect. You will be seen as a tyrant. This leads to the questions: when do you ignore and when do you confront?

Here are some guidelines that might help you. You should consider confronting employees when:

• An employee’s performance impedes your organization’s goals or slows down production.
• An employee’s actions will impede your own success. Ask yourself: Can I afford to ignore this?
• Other employees ask you to intercede. Internal bickering can cause low morale.
• The people involved ask you to intercede because they are unable to resolve their differences themselves.

You also have to stop and ask yourself if you are doing anything that contributes to this problem.

Even members of the most exceptional team will occasionally find themselves locked in conflict. Sometimes you, as team leader, are reluctant to ask for your team’s help in resolving conflicts because you feel that the burden for conflict resolution rests entirely on your shoulders. This is not only inaccurate; it can also be detrimental to you and your group in a number of ways. Team leaders who appoint themselves sole arbitrators and harmonizers for their teams are headed for disaster.

Resolving Internal Conflict

When a team is in internal conflict, what can you do?

Remove all masks.

Sincerity is the ideal mindset for conflict resolution. If we cannot achieve sincerity, at least aim for authenticity. Being authentic means not hiding behind masks, but showing up as yourself.

Identify the real problem.

Often the real problem lurks somewhere behind or underneath the apparent problem. Conflict will not be resolved until the process can address the true problem.

Give up a must-win attitude.

When players compete too hard all the time, a good deal of life passes them by. They go to the wall to defend a position and will go down screaming, taking as many people with them as possible. Conflicts are not won; they are resolved.

Develop several possible solutions.

In reality, most situations can go in a variety of directions. It may be up to you to create the choices.

Evaluate options and select a solution.

Choose the best workable choice from the possibilities you have gathered. The goal is to choose the possibility that will hold the most for both you and the other party.

Communicate in a manner certain to be received.

A great idea goes nowhere if you don’t communicate it to others. Only when someone feels you have heard their message are they ready to listen to yours, so listen actively. Communication that is full of anger, lacks clarity, and has no commitment behind it, will not bring about action.

Acknowledge and preserve the value in the relationship.

Resolving conflict is about preserving relationships. If that were not so, people would not try to resolve their conflicts. Disputes would just fester and eventually destroy the relationship.

To provide a temporary time-out for individuals who feel they are locked in conflict, ask questions such as these:

• How do you think we are doing?
• Are we making progress on this issue?
• Do you feel your views are being heard?

Preventing Internal Conflict

To prevent internal conflict, keep in mind what Dale Carnegie said:

• Talk about what the other person is interested in.
• Be genuinely interested in people.
• Ask WIIFM (What’s In It For Me?).
• Make them feel important.
• See things from the other person’s point of view.
• Smile!