SESSION FIVE: VALIDATING EMOTIONS IN OTHERS
Someone who is emotionally intelligent is not just able to measure their own emotions, but also understands how to recognize what other people are feeling.
In this session, you’ll learn about tools to help you to validate emotions in others, including VALUE and SOLER.
The VALUE Technique
Use the VALUE technique when someone is talking:
| V | Validate |
| A | Ask questions |
| L | Listen, especially listen to the vocal (the tone) as well as the verbal (the words) |
| U | Understand the meaning that can be behind the words |
| E | Empathize |
Validation does not mean solving a problem or offering a solution. When we validate we acknowledge that we heard what the other person was saying. When someone is talking, listen without interrupting. Paraphrase, nod your head, or make appropriate listening responses to what they have said to show you are listening. Allow for pauses and silence.
The SOLER Technique
Use the SOLER technique while you are listening:
| S | Sit quietly with your arms and legs uncrossed. Crossed limbs can be interpreted as unwilling to listen, closed-minded. |
| O | Maintain an open posture. |
| L | Lean slightly forward in the direction of the speaker. |
| E | Maintain eye contact. Be sensitive though – some people are uncomfortable with extended eye contact. |
| R | Stay relaxed. Pay particular attention to your shoulders and neck. |
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Communication Tips
Ask open-ended questions that require more than a yes or no response. Ask the person for their perception of the problem.
Listen to what the person has to say. Defer judgment on what someone is saying and focus on finding out more. Don’t jump in with a solution when someone is starting to express their concerns. Continue to listen until the speaker has finished.
Understand the non-verbal clues. Look at their body language. Is it consistent with what they are saying? The words we use can either be confirmed or denied by our non-verbal cues like body language, fidgeting, and eye contact.
Empathize, don’t just sympathize. You do not need to agree, but you should try to understand why the person feels the way they do. Do you really understand the other person’s perspective?