SESSION ELEVEN: DE-STRESS OPTIONS TO USE WHEN THINGS GET UGLY

So far, we have talked about all the things that you can do to prevent problems from occurring and how to deal with conflict. However, there are some very real mental and physical side effects from dealing with a conflict, even if you do so well.

In this session, we will share some things that you can do to unwind after dealing with a difficult situation. As you read each method, try to decide if it might work for you and how you could try to apply it in real life. This is about creating a custom toolkit that works for you!

Belly Breathing

Loosen your clothes, close your eyes, mentally relax your body, and take ten or more deep breaths. Each time you exhale, count silently: “one,” after the first breath, “two,” after the second breath, etc., up to at least ten. If you lose count, or find yourself working on thoughts as they pass through your mind, start your count over again. When you are finished, you should feel more calm and relaxed. (Your blood pressure will go down temporarily, too.)

Visualize

Use positive imagery to boost your confidence. Couple this with positive language for even better results. Use positive imagery and self-talk to see yourself performing well at whatever challenge you are having. Negative words and images can become self-fulfilling prophecies.

Music

Music has the power to soothe or to give us energy. It also has healing power. Find a type of music that relaxes you, and play it when you need to calm down. When you feel tired and listless, play some rousing music (rather than drinking caffeine), to give you a pick up.

Acupressure and Massage

Holding a fingertip to the point of most pain or tension and pressing very hard into the offending muscle for up to a minute can avert a headache or relieve tension. Have a friend or spouse learn how to do massage therapy and/or acupressure on tense muscles, since daily treatment is better than once or twice a month.

If no one at home is available to help, have a look at your benefits plan. Many plans include this type of treatment because they realize the long term benefits that are gained in terms of wellness.

Laughter

Laugher is the best medicine of all. A good belly laugh can lower blood pressure, slow your adrenaline, and reverse the stomach acid that comes with negative responses. Be on the lookout for jokes and cartoons you can share with family and friends. During a meeting with your difficult person, you may find that humor helps to defuse the situation; laugh at yourself (not the other person, which is insulting).

General Coping Thoughts When Things Get Messy

• Take a deep breath and relax.
• Tell yourself that getting upset won’t help. Tell yourself repeatedly if it doesn’t work the first time. The broken record technique works on you, too.
• Remind yourself that just as long as you keep your cool, you’re in control.
• I’m not going to let their get to me.
• I can’t change their with anger; I’ll just upset myself.
• I can find a way to say what I want to without anger.
• Stay calm – no sarcasm, no attacks, no judgments.
• I can stay calm and relaxed.
• No one is right, no one is wrong. We just have different needs.
• No matter what is said, I know I’m a good person.
• I’ll stay rational; anger won’t solve anything.
• Let them look all foolish and upset. I can stay cool and calm.
• His/her opinion isn’t important. I won’t be pushed into losing my cool.
• Take a time-out. Cool off, then come back and deal with it.
• Some situations don’t have good solutions. Looks like this is one of them. No use getting all bent out of shape about it.
• It’s just a hassle. Nothing more, nothing less. I can cope with hassles.
• I’m getting better at this anger management stuff.
• I got angry, but kept the lid on saying things I’d regret. That’s progress.
• If they want me to get angry, I’m going to disappoint them.
• I can’t expect people to act the way I want them to.
• I don’t have to take this so seriously.