SESSION THREE: BENEFITS OF CONFRONTATION

If we understand that there are benefits to having conversations with difficult people, can we also realize some benefit from walking away? Does every difficult situation need to be addressed, or are some things really not worth addressing?

In this session, we will explore the benefits of dealing with difficult people in order to produce stronger and more effective workplaces. We will consider how to determine the best level of involvement, and how conflict can affect reciprocal relationships.

To Talk or Not to Talk

In deciding whether you want to proceed with a difficult conversation, there are some things to consider. If this relationship is important to you, then it makes sense that the conversation takes place. But not every conversation is necessary. Is it worth tracking someone down and having a confrontation when they cut you off in traffic? The person who interrupts you in a meeting but has never done so before, and probably never would again?

Determining Your Involvement

In order to decide whether you need to deal with a difficult person or not, ask yourself the following questions:

• Is this person important to me?
• Is this relationship important to me?
• Has this happened before?
• Does this bother me or other people?
• Can I invest my time?

If you answer “no” to any of the five questions, we recommend that you remove yourself from the situation, either temporarily or permanently.

Reciprocal Relationships

Interpersonal relationships have a reciprocal nature. When we invite colleagues to meetings or remember their birthdays, they tend to do the same for us. When we invite a colleague to a function, they tend to invite us in return.

The way that our relationships unfold reflects this reciprocal nature. If we engage in small talk, others do the same. If we are not fond of small talk and do not enter into it willingly, people will stop trying to engage us that way.

Considering this same principle, if we continually try to engage people in negative ways, we can predict the results. Think of yourself in terms of some of your work relationships. Do people come to you on their own? Do you make them feel welcome to speak with you?