In every moment of every day, we are communicating through the words we speak and our body language. There are two verbal communication techniques that are crucial to sales success: asking questions and listening.

In this session, you will learn about the difference between hearing and listening, and in particular, what active listening is all about. You will also learn how to ask good questions, and you will think about what being a good listener means to you.

Active Listening

The two most basic elements of good communication are listening to others and asking questions. The physical process of hearing, where sound enters your eardrum and is registered in your brain, is not the same as listening. Listening is more of an attitude, a desire to understand what is being communicated. It is an essential communication skill.

Many of us don’t listen very well, and we fake it a lot of the time. We pretend we are listening when we really aren’t, and that can create a whole lot of trouble with other people.

Active listening means that we try to understand things from the speaker’s point of view. It includes letting the speaker know that we are listening and that we have understood what was said. Active listening can be described as an attitude that leads to listening for shared understanding.

When we make a decision to listen for total meaning, we listen for the content of what is being said as well as the attitude behind what is being said (is the speaker happy, angry, excited, sad, etc.).

Responding to Feelings

The content (the words spoken) is one thing, but the way that people feel really gives full value to the message. Responding to the speaker’s feelings adds an extra dimension of listening. Are they disgusted and angry or in love and excited? Perhaps they are ambivalent! These are all feelings that you can reply to in your part of the conversation.

Reading Cues

Really listening means that we are also very conscious of the non-verbal aspects of the conversation.

• What are the speaker’s facial expressions, hand gestures, and posture telling us?
• Is their voice loud or shaky?
• Are they stressing certain points?
• Are they mumbling or having difficulty finding the words they want to say?

Demonstration Cues

When you are listening to someone, these techniques will show a speaker that you are paying attention, providing you are not acting them out.

Physical indicators include making eye contact, nodding your head from time to time, and leaning into the conversation.

You can also give verbal cues or use phrases such as “Uh-huh,” “Go on,” “Really!” and “Then what?”

You can use questions for clarification or summarizing statements. Examples:

• “Do you mean they were charging $4.00 for just a cup of coffee?”
• “So after you got a cab, got to the store, and found the right sales clerk, what happened then?”

Tips for Becoming a Better Listener

• Make a decision to listen. Close your mind to clutter and noise and look at the person speaking with you. Give them your undivided attention.
• Don’t interrupt Make it a habit to let them finish what they are saying. Respect that they have thoughts they are processing and speaking about, and wait to ask questions or make comments when they have finished.
• Keep your eyes focused on the speaker and your ears tuned to their voice. Don’t let your eyes wander around the room, just in case your attention does too.
• Carry a notebook or start a conversation file on your computer. Write down all the discussions that you have in a day. Capture the subject, who spoke more (were you listening or doing a lot of the talking?), what you learned in the discussion, as well as the who, what, when, where, why, and how aspects of it. Once you have conducted this exercise 8-10 times, you will be able to see what level your listening skills are currently at.
• Ask a few questions throughout the conversation. When you ask, people will know that you are listening to then, and that you are interested in what they have to say. Your ability to summarize and paraphrase will also demonstrate that you heard them.
• When you demonstrate good listening skills, they tend to be infectious. If you want people to communicate well at work, you have to set a high example.

Asking Questions

We spend a lot of our lives asking and answering questions, but we aren’t always aware of how we ask questions. Open questions in particular often give us difficulty, which is unfortunate since they are the most important ones for us to become skilled at using.

Closed questions can be answered with a single word or two or a simple yes or no. They can begin the closing process in a conversation, or provide confirmation of a detail, but they don’t usually lead to gathering more information. Where most people need more practice is asking the open question, those where the listener is given a chance to explain, to tell how they feel about an issue, or offer suggestions.

Open questions give us more information because:

• They encourage other people to talk
• We get opinions and ideas from others
• They can help us determine if people have interpreted what we say correctly
• They can help us arrive at consensus much more readily

Good open questions include:

• “What is your opinion?”
• “How do you think we should solve the problem?”
• “What would you do in my shoes?”
• “Tell me more about…”

Note: Be very careful about “why” questions. All too often these questions sound like accusations, and the listener immediately becomes defensive.

It is easier to build relationships with potential customers if we become skilled at asking questions that give us more information about that person and their wants and needs. The questions help us find common ground with someone, show the person we are interested in them, and we put the emphasis on them rather than us.

Good customer-focused questions can include:

• What do you think we can do about this?
• What would you like me to stop doing?
• Would it be helpful if I…?
• Supposing we were to…?
• Help me understand where you’re coming from?
• Let’s set a time when we can talk about the changes we’re prepared to make.
• I’m prepared to… Would that ease the situation?