When we do not get enough information by using open-ended questions, we can use probes to expand the conversation.

Verbal and Nonverbal Probes

A probe will encourage your conversation partner to add to their previous response. Verbal probes are often a single word or short phrase. Some examples are:

• “Tell me more about that.”
• “That’s interesting. Tell me more.”
• “Really?”
• “Why?”
• “Can you give me a specific example of what you mean?”

Nonverbal probes rely on your body language and gestures to get the same results as a verbal probe. Some examples are:

• Raising the eyebrows as if you are surprised
• Nodding
• Frowning
• Pursing the lips

Probing Techniques

There are many ways that you can use probing in your conversations. We’ve provided some techniques for you below.

Ask an open question.

Some good questions include:

• “Can you describe that more clearly?”
• “Would you give me a specific example of what you mean?”
• “What do you think we should do?”

You’ll soon recognize that if you ask too many of these questions, your conversation partner will feel like they are under interrogation, so use them carefully.

Pause.

Many of us feel uncomfortable when silence overtakes a conversation, and we will fill the silence by expanding on what was said previously.

Use reflective or mirroring questions.

For example, if someone says “Susan quit because she felt underappreciated,” you may respond by just reflecting back to them, “Underappreciated?” Then pause. Usually, the other person will provide you with an expanded answer without you asking more questions or interrogating. These kinds of statements also serve to focus or clarify and summarize without interrupting the flow of the conversation. They demonstrate your intent to understand the speaker’s thoughts and feelings.

Paraphrase.

Reflect what has just been said in your own words. “So if I understand you correctly, you…” This technique shows that you want to understand your conversation partner and that you want to be accurate. It also allows the sender to hear back what they have said from someone else’s point of view.

Use summary questions.

Summary questions are a helpful way of probing and winding up the conversation at the same time. “In summary, you have found that 90% of employees have not received a pay increase in the past 18 months and that 95% of employees have not received a performance review in the past 24 months. Your research has also shown that 68% of employees would describe themselves as disengaged. Is that correct?”

Summary statements or paraphrases sum up what has been said, and will show that you have listened and absorbed what’s being said. Don’t use them to take over the dialogue.

The summary is the stronger cue that the conversation is winding down on that topic. However, if necessary or appropriate, you can follow this up with a fact-finding question (usually a closed question), such as, “Did you want to say more about the issue?”, or, “Do you have any other suggestions?”

Active Listening Skills

Active listening means that we try to understand things from the speaker’s point of view. It includes letting the speaker know that we are listening and that we have understood what was said. This is not the same as hearing, which is a physical process, where sound enters the eardrum and messages are passed to the brain. Active listening can be described as an attitude that leads to listening for shared understanding.

When we make a decision to listen for total meaning, we listen for the content of what is being said as well as the attitude behind what is being said. Is the speaker happy, angry, excited, sad…or something else entirely?

Responding to Feelings

The content (the words spoken) is one thing, but the way that people feel really gives full value to the message. Responding to the speaker’s feelings adds an extra dimension of listening. Are they disgusted and angry or in love and excited? Perhaps they are ambivalent! These are all feelings that you can reply to in your part of the conversation.

Reading Cues

Really listening means that we are also very conscious of the non-verbal aspects of the conversation.

• What are the speaker’s facial expressions, hand gestures, and posture telling us?
• Is their voice loud or shaky?
• Are they stressing certain points?
• Are they mumbling or having difficulty finding the words they want to say?

Demonstration Cues

When you are listening to someone, these techniques will show a speaker that you are paying attention, providing you are genuine in using them.

Physical indicators include making eye contact, nodding your head from time to time, and leaning into the conversation.

You can also give verbal cues or use phrases such as “Uh-huh,” “Go on,” “Really!” and, “Then what?”

You can use questions for clarification or summarizing statements. Examples:

• “Do you mean they were charging $4.00 for just a cup of coffee?”
• “So after you got a cab, got to the store, and found the right sales clerk, what happened then?”

Tips for Becoming a Better Listener

• Make a decision to listen. Close your mind to clutter and noise and look at the person speaking with you. Give them your undivided attention.
• Don’t interrupt Make it a habit to let them finish what they are saying. Respect that they have thoughts they are processing and speaking about, and wait to ask questions or make comments until they have finished.
• Keep your eyes focused on the speaker and your ears tuned to their voice. Don’t let your eyes wander around the room, just in case your attention does too.
• Carry a notebook or start a conversation file on your computer. Write down all the discussions that you have in a day. Capture the subject, who spoke more (were you listening or doing a lot of the talking?), what you learned in the discussion, as well as the who, what, when, where, why, and how aspects of it. Once you have conducted this exercise 8-10 times, you will be able to see what level your listening skills are currently at.
• Ask a few questions throughout the conversation. When you ask, people will know that you are listening to then, and that you are interested in what they have to say. Your ability to summarize and paraphrase will also demonstrate that you heard them.
• When you demonstrate good listening skills, they tend to be infectious. If you want people to communicate well at work, you have to set a high example.