SESSION SEVEN: DEALING WITH PROBLEMS
Problems tend to get bigger when they are ignored, especially if the topic is something that touches an emotional nerve. If you think about a particular problem you are dealing with at work or at home, you will probably have an approach ready very soon!
In this session, we’ll explore some concrete ways of dealing with problems and look at some of the causes for difficult behaviors. As we work through the material, think of some ways that you could use these suggestions back in the real world.
Dealing with Problems
Sometimes we are so busy with other things that we don’t see (or don’t want to see) a problem that is growing. When it explodes, it can catch us broadside. Has that ever happened to you? What do you do? Here are some suggestions.
Assess the situation.
Think before you act. Get all the facts and start with a plan, even if it is sketchy.
Meet the difficult behavior head-on.
Don’t bury your head in the sand. This has happened and you must deal with it.
Stay calm and objective.
Getting emotional will only make matters worse and you may say things you’ll regret. Watch for words like but, never, always, and should. There is no point in waving a red flag in anyone’s face. Those kinds of words can inflame the situation rather than contribute to problem solving.
Be upfront with the individual.
The longer you wait, the more difficult things become. Say what needs to be said.
Make this a two-way conversation.
Make sure that the other individual gets a chance to have their say as well. Give them that chance earlier rather than later. Then you may have more facts. They may even say some of the things you wanted to say, but felt uncomfortable saying.
Try to put yourself in their place and look at the situation from their point of view.
You need to put yourself in their shoes to see how they are looking at the problem and to have any chance of understanding it, let alone resolving it.
Flexibility.
This is a useful tool, so use it! Treat this as a learning experience and accept that this conflict may change the way you see or do things. That’s OK.
Be tolerant.
What a dull world it would be if we were all the same! It may not be your way, but that doesn’t make it a wrong way.
Causes of Difficult Behavior
There are no simple answers about the causes of difficult behavior, because we human beings can be very complicated. We do know that some causes include fear (of failure, humiliation, losing power, and/or rejection) and poor self-esteem. If you add people who are working with drug or addiction issues, illness (theirs or someone else’s), as well as some people having limited coping skills, we start to get a good idea of what can provoke difficult behavior. Sometimes, of course, you’ll run into a combination of factors.