SESSION NINE: CIVILIZED DISAGREEMENTS AND CONSENSUS

We’re human beings with ideas, wants, desires, and opinions! It’s just not possible that we will always agree with one another, but we can do our best to move through life without deliberately hurting anyone.

In this session, you’ll learn how to consider reaching consensus as opposed to having an argument.

Definitions

A civilized disagreement means what it sounds like: we can have a disagreement, but we’re not going to let it ruin our relationship, nor are we going to behave badly while we work through it. We explain our positions, and even agree to disagree. (We will be spending more time on conflict later in the workshop.)

For important decisions, the goal is substantial (but not necessarily unanimous) agreement through open discussion of everyone’s ideas and avoidance of formal voting or easy compromises.

One important element of achieving consensus is that you work toward a proposal or solution that all members will support and that no one will oppose. This is not the same as a unanimous vote since consensus doesn’t have to reflect first priorities; the principles are not opposed and are fully supported by the group.

A resolution where everyone is totally satisfied requires these elements:

• Time
• Active participation of all group members
• Skills in communication (such as listening, conflict resolution, and facilitation)
• Creative thinking and open-mindedness
• Ideas to be heard and understood